Dear conservationist, society may not agree with your life decisions- and that’s ok.

Dear conservationist,

I have spoken about it many times before, but there is something daunting about people asking ever-so-casually what you do when you aren’t earning an income OR you’re earning an income from a job outside of the conservation industry. I know and you know, that you are always working towards making the world a better place, whether it be through your own project or volunteering for someone else’s. I also know that we both know that you have passion and that it doesn’t really matter at all what you do for money. It’s annoying when people ask what you do for work instead of asking what fills your soul. But unfortunately, in many circles, society hasn’t progressed this far.

Since reaching my 30s, I have started to gain more confidence about my decisions in this space- which I am surprised by. In a world where I could be filled with shame as a result of dwelling on the comparison of my friends having babies and mortgages, I understand that they have made decisions to spend money on nappies and houses while I have saved my money so that I could quit my job, go to Fiji, and take some time to heal from my burn-out and eco-grief.

I was expecting some pushback from my friend the other night over dinner as he is the CEO of an NGO, but he surprised me by congratulating me on creating a “heart buffer.” He describes my heart buffer as the savings, time, and emotional capacity that I have carved out for myself to check into my heart and work out what I should be doing. A few years ago, seeing him at this point in my life, I would have been desperate for him to offer me a job- but now, at this moment, I was so grateful that he saw my heart buffer, appreciated, respected and understood its purpose. He also recommended that I read a book that I may not have heard of called “How to Conserve Conservationists” which provides even more of an argument for taking the time and space to look after yourself. I think it really rubbed off on him!

Through that interaction, I wondered if I was starting to become the change I wanted to see in the world. In every presentation I do, I reinforce the need to celebrate rest amongst conservationists and remind them that it’s okay. Through my book and work with this individual, I was now the proud recipient of that rest-centric celebration and needless to say, it helped me feel validated in my decisions and I feel it also made me feel more confident to not let fear make decisions for me in the future.

Though I have been tempted by the shame wizard- especially taking time off during a cost-of-living crisis, I try to remind myself that people probably don’t feel shame about spending money on houses or kids or whatever else they like to spend their hard-earned money on. And besides, My heart buffer has truly been life-saving.

During this time, I have learned how to heal from a deep and tumultuous eco-grief in a way that really nourishes me. I have reconnected with parts of myself that I am proud of, and parts of the industry that are inspiring rather than depressing. I have reflected on how far I have come both professionally and emotionally and I have started to understand a path forward that serves me. It baffles me to think that this growth could ever be perceived as a more shameful existence than crying every day at my desk whilst having the acceptable lifestyle of employment.

Your potential heart buffer probably looks different to mine. It could be getting a cat or a dog to provide you with love and companionship as you go about your days. It could be leaving the conservation industry to make more money in a different line of work where you have more capacity to invest in your passions in your spare time. It could be leaving work to study and indulge in your curiosities. Maybe your heart buffer involves selling everything you own to live out of a backpack and see the world. Whatever it is, it is the opposite of shameful. It is inspiring, it is meaningful and it is important.

Society is always going to favour the hustle and bustle- capitalism thrives off of people contributing to the economy- but what people say should not dictate your worth, happiness, or decisions. I think that sometimes we forget about the beauty and awe that got us into this industry in the first place- that spark that made us feel purposeful and alive. Life is meant to be lived, not endured, so whatever you need to do to create yourself a heart buffer- I promise you it’s worth it.

And just in case you need it, go you good thing for all that rest you’ve been having recently! Whether it’s been binging Brigerton, going on mental health walks, or setting strong personal boundaries- I am so proud of you for taking the time out to nourish yourself.

With much support and encouragement,

Jessie